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Tone of Voice

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            So L was a little wound up tonight, but in happy, exuberant way. There is another way she gets wound up that it sort of destructive, like she has pent up energy - as in she's been repressed all day and not guided in healthy outlets/expression of said energy - and it definitely needs expression, but is that much more difficult to guide.

            Anyway, this didn't seem to be the case. We'd had a long walk to and play at the park and lots of jumping on the bed. After a fairly calm and much enjoyed dinner, she went to have a bath with papa as her supervisor.

            After about 20 minutes, I was in the kitchen doing dishes and her papa walked by and said, "Why is it when I make a boundary with L she wants mama? Is it because mama let's her have her way?"

            I said, "No, she does that with me sometimes.I think it's the way we make the boundary, our tone of voice. If it's too sharp there is resistance."

            If I'm really present with her and kind (not simperingly adaptive), she has no problems with boundaries. If I'm short or sharp, she probably feels really threatened - emotionally/relationally abandoned - so she wants her rock, her mom. Her mom doesn't give in on the boundaries that I've noticed. It must be pretty weird to be not quite three years old in a house full of adults.

            I mean it really impresses upon one the importance of trustworthiness. Adults have the capacity to disassociate from one another's stuff, but kids don't and are at the same time startling clear in their feedback when they don't trust you.

L's Nana

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Guest Wednesday, 22 November 2017